Denial - Addiction & Recovery;

Denial - Early Recovery;

Denial is a safety net for everyone. We deny our problems when we feel overwhelmed by what is required to resolve them; we deny that we are mortal when we fear the death that is the only certainty we all share. We deny that we are facing situations that do not allow us to continue to do what we want, no matter what that may be. Denial is a construct that is firmly embedded into our culture from birth through death. It is a construct created to protect us from harsh realities that we would rather not face. Denial can be seen as an ego defense that shelters the person from truth they feel inadequate to deal with.

As a concept used in treatment of addictive disorders, it was popularly coined in the early-to-mid 1980s when treatment became more widespread and the conversation about addiction became more open. It was used then to describe the denial of an addict and the severity of their drug/alcohol use and problems surrounding it.

The overuse of the word is apparent to all who hear it nearly 30 years later. We know all the slogans and catch phrases created to make it more widespread and socially acceptable to be “in denial.” However, as an ego defense, its use has only increased, not diminished over time.

Denial in the field of addictions’ treatment means that the addict is going to minimize and decentralize their addiction by looking at it as everyone else’s problem, as blaming those around him for his use and abuse of substances, as negotiating to lessen the impact of his abuse and use of substances, and to attempt to protect himself from the ultimate treachery of having to face life without the only measure of comfort he has known, that of using and abusing those same substances. While it is apparent to everyone around him that his addiction is spiraling out of control, he will continue to defend it with whatever weapons he may possess. The sharpest tool in his kit at this juncture may well be his denial of the problems his addiction are creating for him and the social environment he inhabits. Therefore, as trite as the word may be in today’s vernacular, it is important to remember the impact the addict finds in using this old weapon for his seeming survival.

Denial within Addiction;

Denial is the part of our disease that tells us we don't have a disease. When we are in denial, we are unable to see the reality of our addiction. We minimize its effect. We blame others, citing the too-high expectations of families, friends, and employers. We compare ourselves with other addicts whose addiction seems "worse" than our own. We may blame one particular drug. If we have been abstinent from drugs for some time, we might compare the current manifestation of our addiction with our drug use, rationalizing that nothing we do today could possibly be as bad as that was! One of the easiest ways to tell that we are in denial is when we find ourselves giving plausible but untrue reasons for our behavior.

Behaviors - Addiction;

Addict's Behavior;

There are many behaviours that are associated with drug use and addiction. The behaviours may vary from person to person and the type of drug that they are using. They may exhibit all the behaviours or only a few.

Use affects a person's entire body. Drugs change the way the brain functions, how fast their heart beats, and the level of their blood pressure; however, these are things that are not visible to the human eye. There are things that are visible to other people that a drug addict will exhibit; such as, emotional and physical behaviours.

What Causes Addictive Behaviors?

There is no consensus as to the etiology (cause), prevention, and treatment of addictive disorders. A United States government publication, "Theories on Drug Abuse: Selected Contemporary Perspectives," came up with no less than forty-three theories of chemical addiction and at least fifteen methods of treatment!

    

As an example of this confusion, many people consider addictive behaviours such as gambling and alcoholism as "diseases," but others consider them to be behaviours learnt in response to the complex interplay between heredity and environmental factors. Still others argue for a genetic cause. Some researchers point out that, unlike most common diseases such as tuberculosis, which has a definite cause (a microbe) and a definite treatment model to which everyone agrees, there is no conclusive cause or definite treatment method to which everyone agrees for most of the addictive behaviours.

This lack of agreement among experts causes problems with prevention and treatment approaches for many addictive behaviours. Professionals debate whether total abstinence or controlled and moderate use of a substance (such as alcohol) or activity (such as gambling) is effective. Others debate whether or not a medication is a desirable treatment method. In the area of addiction to food or exercise, of course,  few advocate total abstinence as a solution .Though  the theories for the causes of addictive behaviours and their treatment are numerous, various types of therapy can help a person who has an addictive behaviour.

    

If you think you, or a family member,  might be addicted to a substance, activity, object, or behaviour, please talk to your family physician, clergy person, Councillor, or seek out a support group for the problem. Do it today!

PATHOLOGICAL LIAR TYPES:

DAYDREAMING PATHOLOGICAL LIAR – PSEUDOLOGIA FANTASTICA:

Some of the more extreme forms of pathological lying is Pseudologia Fantastica. This is a matrix of facts & fiction, mixed together in a way that makes the reality and fantasy almost indistinguishable. The pseudologue type pathological liar makes up stories that seem possible on the surface, but over time things start falling apart. Pseudologues have dynamic approach to their lies, they are likely to change the story if confronted or faced with disbelief, they have excessive anxiety of being caught and they desperately try to modify their story to something that would seem plausible to create or preserve a sense of self that is something they wish they were or at least something better than they fear others would find out they are. The excessive anxiety is driven by unusually low self-esteem, the person tries to hide reality by creating a fake reality, and once the story has enduring quality to it, he/she is likely to repeat it and if repeated enough times he/she might start believing in it as well. This reality escape can be triggered of a past incident or of an unbearable present for the pseudonymous.

About 30% of daydreaming pathological liars have brain dysfunction. For some it may take the form of learning disabilities, ex. dyslexia. Often those with cerebral dysfunction have greater verbal production & lower developed logical, analytical parts of the brain, thus they often fail to control verbal output.

HABITUAL LIAR:

Habitual pathological lying is, as the name suggest, habitual. Habitual liar lies so frequently, that it becomes a habit, as a result, he/she puts very little effort in giving a thought about what the output is going to be, nor does he/she care much to process whether it’s a lie or not, it’s simply a reflex & very often can be completely unnecessary or even opposite to his/her own needs. If he/she stops & thinks about it, he/she knows clearly it’s a lie. Habitual liars lie for a variety of reasons, which include, but are not limited to - Take advantage of the situation or misguide a rival, Avoid confrontation or punishment, Cover up lack of knowledge, Cover up embarrassment, To entertain oneself or others, Reinforce self-esteem, because of failing own expectation

Receive unearned praise or avoid disappointment or disapproval. For no reason whatsoever Habitual liars gives very few if any psychical or vocal signs of lying, due to the effortless nature of lying. That said, since he/she gives a very little thought to his/her lies, they are usually inconsistent & obvious.

Fear is a major contributor in developing habitual lying in a child & further advancement into adulthood, more so in conditions when the child finds truth telling results in more frequent or more severe punishment. Lack of appreciating and likelihood of unwanted consequences of telling the truth may result in frequent opting out for lying, which often involves less punishment & therefore becomes more desirable.

IMPULSIVE PATHOLOGICAL LIAR – IMPULSE CONTROL DISORDERS & LYING:

Impulsive pathological liar lies due to impulse control problem, he/she lies to fulfill his/her present (in the moment) needs, without thinking of future negative effects that can be caused because of the lie. Impulsive pathological liar generally suffers from impulse control disorders, such as kleptomania, pathological gambling, compulsive shopping etc. Those suffering from impulse control disorders fail to learn from past negative experiences, frequently suffer from depression, likely to have history of substance abuse in family or have substance abuse problems themselves, likely to have deficiency in brain serotonin. Increase in brain serotonin may have positive effect in decreasing impulsiveness, such medication may have positive effects, however there hasn't been clinical research performed to confirm or deny this theory.

SUBSTANCE ABUSE ASSOCIATED PATHOLOGICAL LIAR:

Self-Deception is an undeniable part of addictive process. People abuse alcohol or other drugs constantly lie to themselves & others to avoid embarrassment, conflict, as well as to obtain the substance. Getting off substance requires learning to distance oneself from the deceit, therefore learning to be truthful is generally a part of any Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous program.

Pathological/Compulsive Lying:

Lying is the act of both knowingly and intentionally/wilfully making a false statement. Most people do so out of fear. Pathological lying is considered a mental illness, because it takes over rational judgement and progresses into the fantasy world and back.

Excessive lying is a common symptom of several mental illnesses. For instance people who suffer from antisocial personality disorder use lying to benefit from others. Some individuals with borderline personality disorder lie for attention by claiming they’ve been treated poorly (though it is not diagnostic). Pathological lying, on the other hand, can be described as an addiction to lying. It is when an individual consistently lies for no personal gain. The lies are commonly transparent and often seem rather pointless.

There are many consequences of being a pathological liar. Due to lack of trust, most pathological liars' relationships and friendships fail. If the disease continues to progress, lying could become so severe as to cause legal problems, including but not limited to fraud.

Psychotherapy appears to be one of the only methods to treat a person suffering from pathological lying. No research has been performed regarding the use of pharmaceutical medication to treat pathological liars. Some research suggests that certain people may have a “predisposition to lying”.Pathological lying is a complex phenomenon, differing from other mental illnesses. It has many life-changing consequences for those who must live with the illness. Currently, there is not enough research in the area of pathological lying to guarantee a cure.

Low Self-Esteem & Pathological Lying:

Low self-esteem is a commonly found feature in pathological liars. The lie maybe an attempt to feel good about themselves, generally for a short period of time, similar to the effect of drugs & alcohol. The same lie or deceit repeated over and over may create a myth of personal well-being or success or displacement of faults of own failures on others, thus creating an imaginary fantasy protection bubble, which may reinforce self-esteem. Pathological liars repeatedly use deceit as an ego defense mechanism, which is primarily caused by the lack of ability to cope with everyday problems in more mature ways.

Pathological Liar – Causes:

Causes of development of pathological lying can be, but are not limited to, one or more of the factors mentioned below:

A dysfunctional family;

• Sexual or physical abuse in childhood;
• Neuropsychological abnormalities (borderline mental retardation, learning disabilities etc.)
• Impulse control disorders; such as kleptomania, pathological gambling, compulsive shopping.
• Accommodating or suggestible personality traits;
• Personality disorders (E.G. Sociopathic, Narcissistic, Borderline, Histrionic & etc.)
• Substance abuse or substance abuse in family

Compulsive Behavior:

Compulsive behaviour is defined as; A person performing an act persistently & repetitively without it leading to an actual reward or pleasure! Compulsive behaviours can be an attempt to make obsessions go away.The  act is usually a small, restricted & repetitive behaviour, yet not disturbing in a pathological way. Compulsive behaviours  are a need to reduce apprehension caused by internal feelings a person wants to abstain or control. A major cause of the compulsive behaviours is said to be obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD).The main idea of compulsive behaviour is that the likely excessive activity is not connected to the purpose it appears to be directed to. Also, as well as being associated with obsessive–compulsive disorder,compulsive  behaviour is associated with Compulsive Sexual Behaviour or a lack of control over one’s sexual behaviour. Furthermore, there are many different types of compulsive behaviours including,shopping,hoarding  , eating, gambling, trichotillomania & picking skin, checking ,counting , washing, sex, & more. Also, there are cultural examples of compulsive behaviour.

Emotional Traits:

• Depression
• Apathy
• Delusions
• Paranoia
• Excessive Calmness
• Excessive Energy
• Excessive Talking
• Violence Prone
• Easily Irritated
• Easily Angered
• Mood Swings
• Secretive
• Lying
• Stealing
• New Friends
• Physical Traits
• Lack of Hygiene
• Excessive Sleep
• Inability to Sleep
• Excessive Sniffing
• Sinus Problems
• Sudden Weigh Loss
• Sudden Weight Gain
• Excessive Spending

Be Thorough & Sure:

Drug addicts are hard to spot, while some will show very obvious behaviours of using, others are able to carry on their daily life amazingly well. It should be noted, that just because a person is showing behaviors of a drug addict, does not necessarily mean that they actually using and have an addiction to drugs. No behaviour trait will guarantee an addiction, so when looking for various behaviours of a drug addict, be thorough and as sure as possible before moving onto the next step.

Understanding:

Being able to understand the behaviour of a drug addict can be extremely frustrating. This is because there is no rational explanation for their behaviour, and it simply revolves around their addiction, and getting the next hit, high, or drink. Instead of trying to make sense of the behaviour of a drug addict, the loved one should understand that there is no logical explanation for their behaviour other than the addict being driven by the compulsion to use drugs.

An Endless Cycle:

All of the emotional behaviours and physical behaviours that a drug addict has can be incredibly difficult to deal with. Their lies about their drug use, their whereabouts, their mood swings, money spending, and distance from loved ones when they are using are typically followed by apologies and promises that things will get better. This becomes an endless cycle that can make a concerned spouse, partner, or family member feel trapped and helpless.

They Need Help:

When a person has an addiction to drugs, the substance becomes more important than anything else in their life. Along with the behaviours listed above, a drug addict may have times that they feel guilty and remorseful and decide to get help, in these times the drug addict will normally continue using. Most addicts will need help and support from friends or family members before they check themselves into a treatment centre.

What does unmanageability mean to me?

Unmanageability:

The First Step asks us to admit two things: one, that we are powerless over our addiction; and two, that our lives have become unmanageable. Actually, we would be hard pressed to admit one and not the other. Our unmanageability is the outward evidence of our powerlessness. There are two general types of unmanageability: outward unmanageability, the kind that can be seen by others; and inner, or personal, unmanageability.

Outward unmanageability is often identified by such things as arrests, job losses, and family problems. Some of our members have been incarcerated. Some have never been able to sustain any kind of relationship for more than a few months. Some of us have been cut off from our families, asked never again to contact them. Inner or personal unmanageability is often identified by unhealthy or untrue belief Systems about ourselves, the world we live in, and the people in our lives. We may believe we're worthless. We may believe that the world revolves around us -not just that it should, but that it does. We may believe that it isn't really our job to take care of ourselves; someone else should do that. We may believe that the responsibilities the average person takes on as a matter of course are just too large a burden for us to bear. We may over or under react to events in our lives. Emotional volatility is often one of the most obvious ways in which we can identify personal unmanageability.

What does unmanageability mean to me?

Personally, I have come to the understanding that I currently & honestly believe that to me "Unmanageability" to me means that something is; difficult/impossible to manage, doesn't/won't/can't submit to discipline, Unable to keep something/someone under control/within limits, boldly resists, doesn't obey/comply to authority or an opposing force (rules/boundaries), not tractable; difficult to manage or mold; "an intractable disposition"; "intractable pain",  difficult to solve or alleviate; "uncontrollable pain" .... cumbersome, inconvenient, unwieldy, demanding, awkward, bulky, clunky (informal) & difficult to handle!

Our lives may be unmanageable in a few areas or in many areas. They may be slightly unmanageable in some areas and totally unmanageable in others. But they will be unmanageable. Unmanageability caused by addiction take many forms. It can include physical, spiritual, and mental problems; financial and legal problems; family and social problems. The problems may have been obvious to others or known only to us, but they were in one form or another. The longer I am in recovery, the more I realize how unmanageable my life had become. By accepting my powerlessness and unmanageability, I accept that I can not recover alone. I need help. That help, the Big Book tells me in the Second Step, will come from a Power greater than myself. My unmanageability lays the basis of my willingness to open and keep myself open to a Power greater than myself and to recovery. Use of the plural pronoun in the First Step, "We admitted," emphasizes that we are not alone and that we do not work our recovery program alone. The first word in the First Step makes that point clear.

Powerlessness

As addicts, we react to the word "powerless" in a variety of ways. Some of us recognize that a more accurate description of our situation simply could not exist, and admit our powerlessness with a sense of relief. Others recoil at the word, connecting it with weakness or believing it to indicate some kind of character deficiency. Understanding powerlessness - and how admitting our own powerlessness is essential to our recovery - will help us get over any negative feelings we may have about the concept.

We are powerless when the driving force in our life is beyond our control. Our addiction certainly qualifies as such an uncontrollable, driving force. We cannot moderate or control our drug use or other compulsive behaviors, even when they are causing us to lose the things that matter most to us. We cannot stop, even when to continue will surely result in irreparable physical damage. We find ourselves doing things that we would never do if it weren't for our addiction; things that make us shudder with shame when we think of them. We may even decide that we don't want to use, that we aren't going to use, and realize we are simply unable to stop when the opportunity presents itself.

We may have tried to abstain from drug use or other compulsive behaviors - perhaps with some success - for a period of time without a program, only to find that our untreated addiction eventually takes us right back to where we were before. In order to work the First Step, we need to prove our own individual powerlessness to ourselves on a deep level.

Have I accepted the full measure of my disease?

When answering "Have I accepted the full measure of my disease?" on the 11th of July, 2013 I had stated that I had not fully grasped nor accepted the full extent of the disease of my addiction! Which the reason for not having complete acceptance on the 11/07/2013 was due to the fact I hadn't yet established what "issues" had created/surrounded my path of destruction that had slowly pushed me to personally gain/form such a horrid habit(s); Dependence on/of Methamphetamine! At that particular time/moment I had thought & began to believe that I wasn't supposed to completely comprehend the full measure just yet as I had other unknown things yet to come before which needed acceptance meaning once understanding & accepting whatever that might be I'll then be able to accept the full measure of the disease I personally suffer from.

Yet answering; "Have I accepted the full measure of my disease?" today (4th September, 2013) I can honestly say I completely recognize & comprehend the fact that I currently have & always will suffer from the disease of addiction which means I will never be "safe" to use Methamphetamine's again! Yet honestly, it wasn't until my last relapse which had made me gain the realization of the reality of addiction & everything learnt during residing within a rehabilitation facility for 7 weeks. With comprehending & accepting the full extent/measure of my disease I have had to also accept the fact I may relapse within the journey ahead yet also informing myself that it's okay, Just keeping coming back because, it works, if you work it!

Hitting bottom: Despair & Isolation:

Our addiction finally brings us to a place where we can no longer deny the nature of our problem. All the lies, all the rationalizations, all the illusions fall away as we stand face-to-face with what our lives have become. We realize we've been living without hope. We find we've become friendless or so completely disconnected that our relationships are a sham, a parody of love and intimacy. Though it may seem that all is lost when we find ourselves in this state, the truth is that we must pass through this place before we can embark upon our journey of recovery.

Have I given Plausible but untrue reasons for my behavior? What have they been?

Throughout my past; during the period where my addiction was highly active I had given plausible yet untrue reasons for my behavior! Yet I wasn't only constantly giving these reasons to others within close surroundings of me, I was giving these plausible & untrue reasons to myself which in reality I  seriously became to believe my own thoughts & lies I was telling in attempt to cover up/get my out of something I didn't feel comfortable in doing!

The plausible yet obviously untrue thing I used to constantly tell & honestly believed myself was; I seriously couldn't have an addiction or be addicted to drugs if I was using as well as selling/dealing my beloved poison of choice; Methamphetamines because I had great "self-control" as I had to think of others & their wants/needs for the drugs in order to make the money I needed to pay back what I owed for the quantity of Methamphetamines I had originally picked up. Which, theoretically embedded in my mind; I am not paying for my usage of Methamphetamines, Junkies are!! Therefor, I have gained absolutely no form of addiction! Also, along with the fact I defiantly wasn't going out of my way to "pick up/score" as I was friends with my dealer prior to taking on the job of being a dealer selling Methamphetamines meaning we were just "catching up" there were just drugs there... Conveniently!

Written: Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013.